The Aftermath

The day after Christmas is almost over and I find myself wishing I could go back to the 24th so I can spend a moment remembering my Dad. It was he's death anniversary. I don't much like celebrating death anniversaries. I'd rather remember good things about loved ones who have passed away.

Now years later, when I try to remember, I'm still stuck on the painful memory of loosing him. It feels like it was yesterday.

I spent most of that day (24th of Decemeber, that is) with my siblings. I helped my sister make the traditional buko salad (condensed milk, cream, fruit cocktail, sweet corn, young coconut , pineapple tidbits). In my haste to beat the traffic I forgot to bring my own food so I had to make do with a tomato and onion omelete. I'm a vegan so I usually bring my own food to family reunions.

We all went to have diner with the Aunts and then proceeded to my sister's church to hear Bhutan (one of my niece) sing her solo as part of the children's choir. She pleaded with us not to come see her. Of course we all wanted to go and see her even more after she begged us not to.

I realized how detached I really felt from the practice of public worship. I was mostly uncomfortable being there as I really would rather not participate in the service out of politeness. It brought back unpleasant memories from childhood when I used to endure sunday mass which the Aunts insisted I attend.

I remember wearing clothes that was both uncomfortable and inappropriate. The aunts' idea of sunday's best are clothes that looked flashy and formal. Comfort doesn't seem to be part of her agenda when she made them for me.

Now that I'm an adult I realize even more how I prefer personal spiritual practice. I no longer have to wear flashy clothes that made me want to scratch every inch of my body and I can do it in the privacy of my home away from public scrutiny. I don't have to smile and endure questions of how many kids I have even though I'm single and have no plans of having kids. I can wear my pajamas around the house and do whatever I like on Sundays. Life is good.

Well, now I'm getting sleepy and looking forward to sleeping. Good night dear void.